Here's the thing: Regardless of the extremely abysmal amount of things I have to show for myself, I'm actually busy as fuck 24/7. I won't bore you with the details....mainly because I can't. My bad. Deal with it.
So long story short, here's a bunch of shit I want to get off my chest. Maybe I'll elaborate on a few at a later date...maybe I won't. Only time will tell.
Sit up front and pay attention:
- It takes an average of $18 to get a girl drunk...$36 to have her blow you in the bathroom.
- Wearing sneakers will cause you to do everything faster.
- It doesn't matter how often you pepper in the news or documentaries. TV makes you dumb and lazy.
- Cartoons have sucked since the late 90's.
- Reality TV is....well....it's just awful.
- (did anyone catch that?)
- You are allowed to be racist as long as you aren't white.
- Tyler Perry is racist.
- Tyler Perry is not funny.
- Somebody please stop Tyler Perry.
- If you have a washable deck of cards, you are in college, in the military, an alcoholic, or any combination of the three.
- If you happen to be all of the above three catagories at once, you will probably die before you turn 30.
- College students are morons.
- Cocaine really IS a helluva drug. Use in moderation...but it's safer to just stick to weed.
- Chicks never buy weed.
- Religion is a tool devised by human beings to exercise control over other human beings.
- Scientology was written by a guy who wrote science-fiction novels.
- Twitter is pointless. (but uh...please follow our twitter thingy)
- If a man actually collects knives as one of his hobbies, never challenge him to a knife-fight.
- Show me a man who is good at poker...and I'll show you a man who would fuck your wife.
- Lists are easier to digest than essays.
- The best soldiers in combat are hellions back in garrison.
- Ninjas, Vikings, Pirates, and Rockstars.
- Andrew Jackson was the gangsterest motherfucker to walk the planet.
- The smartest people in the world have been called crazy at least once in their lives.
- Smoking does not affect your ability to run unless you suck at being in shape to begin with.
- Anything worth doing is worth taking the time to do it right....unless it's meant to be funny or possibly life-threatening. Trust me on this one.
- Sex is meant to be fun.
- Bar fights are childish and stupid.
- Bar brawls make men into legends.
- Dogs are supposed to be background music....not wear little sweaters.
- Yelling at people gets a lot of shit accomplished if you do it correctly.
- We don't actually live in a democracy.
- The only thing that will actually change a society is violent revolution.
- I rarely research anything when I know I'm right.
- I don't actually know what I'm talking about....ever.
- When you go in reverse, things come from behind you.
"Please, as your friend, don't take any advice from me."
Get Fucked.
