SIT UP FRONT AND PAY ATTENTION

Here'sthe deal...

As you all may or may not know, inaddition to haphazardly posting my "comedic wit" on thislittle site of our's, I'm also a freelance writer for THAT MAGhttp://www.thatmusicmag.com/based out of Killadelphia, the city of brotherly love....Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

(Which only kind of explains whyI've been so sporadic lately. Anyway...)

It's a pretty ecclectic gig, I won't lie. I've been covering everything from Jay-Z to Rusted Root,Switchfoot (....hey! Sometimes you have to make the donuts), and lastbut definitely not least, the East Coast Green and Black....thealmighty OVER KILL!!!

LOBO right in the action

Here'sthe links for the pieces:

OVER KILL- 4/20 at theTrochadero:
-http://www.thatmusicmag.com/index.php/2012/06/over-kill-4202012-trochadero-theater-philadelphia/

The Constant Evolution of RustedRoot:
-http://www.thatmusicmag.com/index.php/2012/03/rusted-root/

Jay Z- Made In America 2012:
-http://www.thatmusicmag.com/index.php/2012/05/made-in-america-2012/

Switchfoot- Outside of the Box:
-http://www.thatmusicmag.com/index.php/2012/06/switchfoot-outside-of-the-box/


Read them all...I worked my ass offputting them together (for the most part) ....and they all turned outgreat. The OVER KILL one especially. Definitely read that one if anyof them. Bobby Blitz is the MAN, photographer James Kelly contributedsome great shots for the piece (as did your's truly...hooray foriPhone photo credit), and it's a review for metalheads written by oneof the heaviest metalheads in history; Ryan Fuckin' Sullivan (ME).




So check them out. Support themagazine, support the SGI blog, like us facebook, twitter...all ofit. Make this little shindig part of your life. I'm coming at all ofyou from all directions. Saul Good will make you laugh and the stuffI'm doing for THAT MAG will broaden your musical perception (whetheryou like it or not).

Here'sa little checklist to help you all out:

-readSaul Good Inc's blogs...they're funny as hell....every damn syllable(by the way, it's comedy, not anal sex...don't take it so hard).

-LikeSGI on facebook http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/SaulGoodInc

-FollowSGI on Twitter @Saul Good Inc, https://twitter.com/#!/SaulGoodInc

-checkout THAT MAG http://www.thatmusicmag.com/. In addition to my articles, there's also a ton of other great stuffto read on there. Stay in the loop with your community!

-LikeTHAT MAG on facebookhttp://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/thatmusicmag

-FollowTHAT MAG on Twitterhttps://twitter.com/intent/user?screen_name=THATMUSICMAG

-Then pat yourself on the back for a job well-done. Don't worry...thedividends are coming.

As always, we'll work to keepposting some randomly dark humor for you to enjoy and pee yourselvesto. There's a bunch of ideas in the works....schedules are just alittle haywire (as always). I'm being serious though. Frequent all ofthis stuff. Like it and follow it, tell all of your friends and makethem like and follow it as well. The more the merrier. It's good for yoursoul. Plus, the more of you that pay attention, the more we canjustify telling the real world to "Fuck Off" and continueto provide you all with the things you know and love. Nothing happensby accident, haha.

Isincerely hope you all enjoy everything I'm throwing at you. It's alot, I know. But I bust my ass supporting everyone I know witheverything they do...so I'm calling in your tabs. I don't want yourmoney...I want those little clicks on your computers and smartphonesand sundials. Make it happen, Cap'n!

Respectfully.

RyanSullivan

LOBO

SaulGood Incorporated

...Get Fucked.

Get Blitzed You Bunch of Micks

There's another made-up excuse to drink coming up soon. I don't know what St. Patrick's day is about...and it apparently affects my life in no real way whatsoever....so it's made-up. The only way I'm ever aware of this particular event is because shit just starts turning green all over the place. You end up saying to yourself, "Oh shit, yeah, it IS March. I'm probably about to get pretty hammered real soon. I'd better start calling people."

Hi, my name is Ryan Sullivan.... Anyway, Irish as hell, right? I think "Ryan" means something in Irish (ha!..."in Irish" he says), but it sounds like it does anyway; same deal with "Sullivan" too (and there's a ton of those people by the way). Regardless, I look pretty damn Italian. I also talk like a black, surfer, thug/asshole and I have little to no sense of my family's history. It's not a me-thing. My family gets along, but we barely care where we all came from. Work, go to bed, who gives a shit, right? I'm saying all of that to say this: I'm not sure I could care any less about my ethnic makeup.

As far as my friends are concerned, I have a vague idea of some of their ethnicities... I suppose. You can only really tell anymore because their pretend-holidays are different. It doesn't really matter though because "Everybody is Irish on St. Patty's Day". The running joke being that the Irish are drunks. So if everybody parties up, we can all have headaches tomorrow morning. It's either a genius plot or completely retarded.

I love the headaches, by the way. It's a dumb holiday, but everyone does get tuned up for it...just like every other fake reason out there. It all boils down to finding excuses to drink socially I guess. Maybe not Ramadan, but that's their own fault. I just love seeing everybody get wrecked for no real reason but acting like it's supposed to happen anyway.

(Note: Before I get called racist, I've gotten drunk with my fair share of muslims in actual muslim countries. Fun fact...go around the world a few times and you eventually realize everybody happens to be the same kinds of shitty regardless of geographic proximity.)

I'm not knocking it. Well, I am, but I get hammered every year anyway. I guess that makes me a hypocrite. Whatever. At least I'm Irish.

While I'm at it, birthdays too. What? You didn't die another year? You did what every other human being does until they don't do it anymore? Good job, asshole. Get better at something a little more worthwhile.

Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Lobo

Ok, it's been a while since there has been any activity on here...and that's our fault. I don't need to tell you that things can get pretty crazy. We're working on it.

That being said, in the spirit of yet another ridiculous holiday, I managed to find something I could throw up here with relative ease. Despite my attitude towards the holiday itself....I'm rooting for everyone to get laid tonight. So in this best way possible....Get Fucked.

A little background on this one....being broke sucks. I also have a gun. Needless to say, it has crossed my mind more than a few times to go on my own little crime-spree; just start taking what people have so that I am then the one who has it. Honorable? No. Possible? No comment.

Let me be perfectly clear; I'm not your average sociopath. That being said, here's a little bit o' ME I'm gonna share with you right quick....I don't give a single fuck about you. I don't. I-I just don't. I'm not a monster...it's just that there is only a select group of people (we'll say in the honest range of about 30-40 total) that I actually give a shit about. It'll range from actually answering the phone when they call to taking a bullet, but they're my people...and even that small circle is shrinking rapidly. It's safe to say, unless there's something beneficial about you breathing the same air as me, you probably look like an ATM to me. I will take your shit.

I want you to keep all of that in mind while I describe how this mentality can be the little seed necessary to make true love blossom.

A little while back, a good friend of mine tells me that he hears of this girl who has a crush on him. This girl is known to sell...things. Immediately, my brain started cranking around dollar signs. The first question I ask my buddy was, "So uh, Sugar-momma or D-bo?"

Then I had a spark of inspiration...why not both?

In case you're missing out, I wanted to know if he planned on latching onto this girl and living the easy life for a while, or if he wanted to rob her blind.

So, Plan-C, right? Hear me out, because I think I may be an evil genius over here. We go and get this girl for what she's got (not trying ruin her life...but a financial step back nonetheless). Then my comrade gains the rare privelege to swoop in and pretend that he will be her rock during this emotional and trying time. Bottom line: we get paid and she gains a sense of security in the arms of her romantic interest.

It's actually a victimless crime (unless you count the horrible pretenses presented to this girl). It really does seem to work out. Forget for a second that the entire relationship is built on one extremely dark secret and is doomed to fail. If my buddy can keep up the lie and take it to the grave, our finances get some flow and she gets a new man. Everybody goes home happy.

I'm just saying that it's a good idea; that's all.

 ....and you thought chocolate was thoughtful.

A Small Victory; Four Terrible Examples

First and foremost, I'd like to wish the lot of you the very warmest of holiday greetings. I hope your Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza and New Years were all satisfying. Thanks again for the continued support. I guess now is the prudent time to mention that even though my past two statements of regards for your holidays came across as very nice, I still fester with ooze at the majority of most people. Those holiday sentiments were very honest, but only to a certain audience - our followers, so please don't get the idea of that I'm going soft on humanity. Just feel honored that you get my little shreds of love, as opposed to my over-surplus of disdain.
Things are going okay. I'm at that point where I need to take my next step. My fun hobbies of playing music, writing jokes, partying violently, and spending freely have only gotten me so far in life. I'm officially done school and I literally don't want to do anything other than support myself and my hobbies, so I guess the next step is applying to jobs. The college degree looks good, but the criminal record doesn't help my chances when applying to be some hateful office drone (which I have no problem whatsoever doing for the rest of my life). It makes me think - wouldn't it be awesome to have a job that hopes its applicants have a criminal record? I'm not even talking about applying to be Coke Mule for the Torquato Cosa Nostra Family in Western Pennsylvania; I mean something legit. Just imagine.... "Well, it says here that you graduated from Rutgers University with a Bachelor's in History, but we here at Jewsenberg's Law Firm are looking for potential Attorneys that have at least two misdemeanor charges." "Well sir, I have three, and I've spent small stints in prison for repeat drug offenses." "...Say no more. You've got the job. Hell, you've got MY job. You start immediately. Here's $50,000,000." Unfortunately, life isn't that sweet.
In keeping with my themes of doom & gloom, I'd like to construct a small list in no particular order on four human reasons why this current world we live in isn't the place that it should be. Why life isn't that sweet, as it were.

1. TYLER PERRY
One of the reasons why LOBO and I are such good friends is because we often agree on similar issues. This is no different with Tyler Perry. Aside from the stereo-typical content for a particular Demographic of African-American audiences (not all Black people support this asshole), Tyler Perry rapes his own product by appearing in advertisements and previews for every aborted fetus he releases to the public. It reminds me of Bad Boy Entertainment in the mid-90's. Puff Daddy was all over his artists' music videos and even on the records themselves. After Notorious B.I.G. died (still on the shelf about Puffy's role in that), Mr. Daddy went on to sell millions of records with his own unique brand of the worst rap music I have ever heard in my life. Tyler Perry mirrors Puff Daddy in the sense that he just doesn't know when to go the fuck away. It doesn't help that his movies and TV shows commit felony rape to the viewer.

2. Maroon 5
I refuse to even post a photo of these guys. Although in some sense talented musicians, Maroon 5 has spent the past decade getting girls wet and making frat boys dance with uninteresting, abysmal music. I am unabashedly a lover of music and will give me honest opinion on anything. I did this with Maroon 5, and I immediately concluded that this was something I could never get behind. Now, on the cusp of 2012, Maroon 5 is one of the biggest bands in the world. I used to ask myself "How the fuck does stuff like this happen?"; but I know why. We let it happen.

3. Occupy Protestors
On paper and in the developmental weeks, the idea of a nonviolent collective camping out on WALL STREET and protesting against national debt, jobs, and Federal Government was pretty cool and interesting. The fact that this has gained momentum across the country is quite upsetting. There are trendy hipsters occupying Salt Lake City, Cleveland, St. Paul, Jacksonville, Santa Fe, Olympia, Boise, Philadelphia, and everywhere else. I have a message for people who feel the need to protest but aren't in New York City or Washington DC : write a letter or gather a petition and mail it to your respective member of General Assembly. Wall Street and DC are cool; anywhere else is just tacky, trendy, and unnecessary. If I lived in Toldeo, Ohio and I couldn't get to my job at the factory because a bunch of assholes are protesting that Toldeo's LEED-certified environmental program isn't Green enough, I would probably rape everyone I see while sobbing blood. Leave it to the big cities. Stop being an asshole.



Rosie O'Donnell
I'm going to take the high road on this one and not talk about it. If you know me, you're well aware of my hatred for her. I've spent at least 2 decades hating this woman. She is far and away one of the worst people that has ever lived. The day she dies from a massive heart attack, I will dine with her...in Hell.

Hope you all enjoyed this installment of SGI!!!
Be sure to follow the blog, "Like" us on Facebook www.facebook.com/saulgoodinc
@saulgoodinc on Twitter
It's only gonna get better. Here's to a good 2012.

Yours,
YAYO

You Are All Racists

I've noticed that black and hispanic comedians are always portraying white dudes as geeks. Uncool, funny-talkin', stiff-walkin' geeks. With their nerd-ass voice impressions like we all just give up lunch money to anyone with some ethnicity. Look at me, alright? I'm basically as white as it gets. I'm two shades up from clear...maybe three when you average out the tattoos. But seriously, I am a motherfuckin cracker.

(Which, by the way, is a dumb and shitty slur to begin with. Really? That's the best you got? Try again with your bitch-ass. Maybe something like world-raper...because that's what white people have been known to do throughout history. Trust me, I'm not happy about it either...but that's what's been going down until recent generations.)

But seriously, as white as I am...do I sound/look like a fuckin' nerd to you? I dare any of you unoriginal racists to be a little more creative. Yeah, I said racists. It's like people forgot that shit works both ways. Listen, if you are any color and you make fun of white people...it's viewed as funny. If you're white and you throw a race joke around...you're automatically in the klan.

There was actually a guy who wanted to make a scholarship for white kids to get educated...and they chastised him. The media labelled him as a racist. However, there are historically black colleges and affirmative action and all of that other crazy bigotry going on. That's bullshit, coach.

I am not a racist...my crew looks like a goddamn rainbow. That being said, I can assure you that my shit will get construed the wrong way by some tyler perry mothafucker looking to bring up some old shit. Let me tell you something...all those hardships that were atrocities to humanity...y'all didn't experience any of that. We're in a new millennium, people. Stop bringing up shit you had nothing to do with and earn your keep. I fought in a goddamn war to pay for what little college I have under my belt. The least you can do is let everybody get judged by the same standards and practices. I swear, you are all a bunch of morons.

...And by the way, I hope somebody comes up to me thinking all white people are scared little nerds. You will figure out quick, fast, and in a hurry that this little cracker will shoot and/or stab you in the face quicker than any spic, nigger, chink, or camel-jockey can even fathom. Wanna know why? It's because personality traits are not limited by the color of your skin. Please...try and say I'm wrong about anything I just said. I guarantee you will either walk away feeling stupider...or get carted away feeling bloodier.

@Kyle Grooms

@Tyler Perry

@Carlos Mencia

@George Lopez

...and many more that I can't think of at the moment. Yeah, I know it's all jokes...and I can respect that. However, I'm also allowed to think you suck at what you do.

 

Sincerely,

Ryan Sullivan

 

...Get Fucked.

 

Short 'n' Sweet

Here's the thing: Regardless of the extremely abysmal amount of things I have to show for myself, I'm actually busy as fuck 24/7. I won't bore you with the details....mainly because I can't. My bad. Deal with it.

So long story short, here's a bunch of shit I want to get off my chest. Maybe I'll elaborate on a few at a later date...maybe I won't. Only time will tell.

Sit up front and pay attention:

- It takes an average of $18 to get a girl drunk...$36 to have her blow you in the bathroom.

- Wearing sneakers will cause you to do everything faster.

- It doesn't matter how often you pepper in the news or documentaries. TV makes you dumb and lazy.

- Cartoons have sucked since the late 90's.

- Reality TV is....well....it's just awful.

- (did anyone catch that?)

- You are allowed to be racist as long as you aren't white.

- Tyler Perry is racist.

- Tyler Perry is not funny.

- Somebody please stop Tyler Perry.

- If you have a washable deck of cards, you are in college, in the military, an alcoholic, or any combination of the three.

- If you happen to be all of the above three catagories at once, you will probably die before you turn 30.

- College students are morons.

- Cocaine really IS a helluva drug. Use in moderation...but it's safer to just stick to weed.

- Chicks never buy weed.

- Religion is a tool devised by human beings to exercise control over other human beings.

- Scientology was written by a guy who wrote science-fiction novels.

- Twitter is pointless. (but uh...please follow our twitter thingy)

- If a man actually collects knives as one of his hobbies, never challenge him to a knife-fight.

- Show me a man who is good at poker...and I'll show you a man who would fuck your wife.

- Lists are easier to digest than essays.

- The best soldiers in combat are hellions back in garrison.

- Ninjas, Vikings, Pirates, and Rockstars.

- Andrew Jackson was the gangsterest motherfucker to walk the planet.

- The smartest people in the world have been called crazy at least once in their lives.

- Smoking does not affect your ability to run unless you suck at being in shape to begin with.

- Anything worth doing is worth taking the time to do it right....unless it's meant to be funny or possibly life-threatening. Trust me on this one.

- Sex is meant to be fun.

- Bar fights are childish and stupid.

- Bar brawls make men into legends.

- Dogs are supposed to be background music....not wear little sweaters.

- Yelling at people gets a lot of shit accomplished if you do it correctly.

- We don't actually live in a democracy.

- The only thing that will actually change a society is violent revolution.

- I rarely research anything when I know I'm right.

- I don't actually know what I'm talking about....ever.

- When you go in reverse, things come from behind you.

"Please, as your friend, don't take any advice from me."

Get Fucked.

Inexcusable

Sullivan and I got really hype on this blog. I feel like I've been slacking on my end of the bargain. He made a couple posts, gave us a Twitter account (@saulgoodinc), and has basically been putting in work. I really wanted this blog to happen. Thanks to Marcus Darpino and the boys at Mental Poison Live (@MentalPoisonRAD), our Facebook page has a respectable number of followers. We're still getting our feet wet with the Twitter page. Also, we have just under 20 followers on the blog. Some are friends, others are mutual Mental Poison people (friends, too), and the rest, I'm assuming, are just people from cyberspace. We're not even remotely at the level that we want to be at, but for those of you that stick around; as ever, thanks.

SO, I want to apologize for starting a blog, getting everyone hype for it, and then posting monthly. That shit will not fly anymore. I have excuses - i.e. school, eating pussy, drinking, procrastinating; but like the title, it is inexcusable, and won't happen again.

With that stated, I might as well let you know what's been up with me since I last checked in.

1. I broke up with my girlfriend. It's cool.
2. I campaigned for the 7th district assembly in Burlington County, NJ. Not because I'm even remotely political, but because they got this guy off the street and offered him a temporary job.
3. I ran out of money. Like, I count change every night so I can afford a 40 of Steel Reserve.
4. The Philadelphia Eagles are abysmal. It's to the point where I'd rather spend my Sunday watching women's professional anything.
5. I'm just about done my semester. I have great hopes that I'll have enough credits for my degree, which I'll be receiving in May of next year. Far and away my most noble accomplishment.
6. I'm sure there's a bunch of other shit worth noting; but let's be honest, it's shit nobody cares about. SO, I bring you to the highest point of the past month or so...

7. This mustache.

Notoriously known as a thoughtless prick, I decided to do something good in my life, for a change, and grow a mustache for entire month of November. "Movember", as it's called, is a worldwide phenomenon that features men in teams growing mustaches in hopes of raising money for prostate cancer research and various other health issues. As stated, I'm broke, so I raised
$0.00; however, I'm going to
neglect that and just say that it's the
thought that counts.

I've been eager to write this post and I'm glad I finally did. You can expect more to come. LOBO has been deeply philosophical with his posts, and I have just been writing about how much of an asshole I am. Though both formulas work for us, respectively, I think next time around I'm going to try and bring the funny. SO, in the meantime, stick around on Facebook- I'll be sure to share some funny pictures with you, follow us on Twitter, and ya know, thanks for the continued support.

Yours,

YAYO

@saulgoodinc
@MentalPoisonRAD
www.facebook.com/SaulGoodInc