LOBO and I have been planning this blog for a while. We're still trying to figure this shit out so instead of our initial plan of making this blog a joint effort, we're going to post seperate blogs. Be sure to stay tuned for LOBOs.
This is going to be the first of many lists that I will be doing in some of my postings. I figure, why not start at the most basic of lists to give you an idea on who I am and what I'm about. LOBO Sullivan will probably follow suit with his work. I read his list, he read mine, and we both agree that we're on point. The important thing here is that you pay attention to our rankings, because we believe it's the right way to think. That's right, I'm telling you how to lead your life.
So, without further adieu, I give you
JASON'S TOP 10 BEST AND WORST THINGS IN THE WORLD
Ten Best10.
Fried 
Chicken – Not many things make me more content than a greasy piece of chicken. I’m pretty open to most options; Popeye’s, KFC, Church’s; even them grocery store pre-made shits. My love for fried chicken can (and probably already has) put a dramatic hurtin’ on my cholesterol , but at 26 with my whole life ahead of me to be unhealthy, such concerns are put on the backburner…or should I say, deep fryer.
9.
Tequila – The Mexican poison can be clear or gold; chilled or sweaty; salted or limed; a big mista
ke or a great idea. You either enjoy it or are revolted by it. Tequila has never been a sober choice for me. I have never started my drinking day by saying, “Hornitos and nothing else; let’s go!” It’s usually a decision best made when I’m a few beers deep, or I’ve had some cocktails, or I’ve smoked a little something, or all of the above. The point is, whenever I get a shot inside of me, everything else that pisses me off (see Ten Worst) is eradicated. I’m just a messy exaggeration of my normal self, and life is good. Plus, after a certain amount of tequila, my testosterone will multiply, and girls start noticing me. OLE!
8.
Pornography – This is self-explanatory. I don’t need to explain why porn is one of the best things in the world. I’ll just fill up this space by stating an observation – over the past 5 years, free internet porn resources have just been expanding every day. The options are limitless, no matter what your fap of choice is. That’s a beautiful thing.
7.
Farting – There are still people in this world that I have known my entire life that are still too embarrassed to fart in front of me. I’m sure you (the reader) can think of someone that won’t even discuss
, let alone publicly let out a fart. Maybe YOU are embarrassed by farting. Sure, there’s a time and a place to fart and not to fart, but let’s break it down – it sounds funny, it feels good, its foul smell can be a sign of proud humility or just pride, and, among the right group of people, can generate some laughter and good times. But let’s forget all of this for a second…farting is one of the best things in the world because not only is it a social taboo, but it’s something that we ALL do at least 17 times a day. Don’t fucking lie…just embrace it.
6.
Getting Laid – This is a midway point
because although sex is one of the greatest natural highs that one can experience, it isn’t everything. Plus, and I am guilty of this, many of us have had sex with someone that we wouldn’t brag about to our buddies. But we still do it, because it feels good, and it’s kinda funny.
5.
Ge
tting High – If this were a few years ago, my #5 entry would be #1. I guess time changes people. A drug charge doesn’t help, either. All in all, not many things compare to a peaceful puff.
4.
Sports –
I wish we made the list longer, because I would love to subcategorize this one and give everything the attention it deserves. Baseball, football, hockey, basketball, boxing, wrestling, MMA –and all of the coverage involved. I live and breathe sports and sports news. If none of my teams are playing, my default channel is ESPN. When most people watch Action News, I watch Sportscenter. When most people listen to the traffic report on the radio, I’m tuned in to WIP. I take pride in my knowledge of sports and statistics, and I love talking sports with anyone and everyone. I used to play, and I can still throw down if need be, but as I get older I’m more into observing and studying. I’d love to be a coach someday. Unfortunately, my resume is dogshit.
3.
Black W
omen – One of my future solo blogs will put all of this into detail. It’s a work in progress because I’m still figuring out how to put it into words. I’m not going to say much about it here, but what I will say is that when you think of interracial romance, you think of other scenarios before you think of a white man preferring a black woman. People always ask me Why I prefer to date outside my race, and I never have a credible answer for them. Why do you like ice cream? Why do you like Pepsi? Why do you like scratching your taint when nobody is looking and then smelling your fingers? The same reason why I prefer black chicks. WE LIKE WHAT WE LIKE.
2.
Beer –
My relationship with the World’s most versatile drink has never been rocky or tumultuous. Ever since the first drop hit my tongue as a young man, I knew it would be a lifelong friendship. I’ve always enjoyed drinking beer; lots of beer throughout a time period, and it’s a hobby (not addiction) that will follow me until my liver blows up all over my small intestine. After working with beer, I have learned to appreciate all different types from all over the world. I have learned that beer just isn’t the greatest drink in the world; it’s the greatest drink in the world. I’m a broke man currently closing up on a college degree, and all the money that the state loans me has gone to legal fees. Whatever spending money I do have goes to beer. I even cut out cigarettes and gas from my budget so I can continue drinking beer. I’m the greatest beer drinker I know, and a dream of mine has been to get a beer drinking team together. SOME people (most broads) don’t appreciate it, and that’s fine. I know of its importance to the world. I feel like I’m doing it a disservice by not making it #1, but I think I made my point on it. Cheers.
1.
Music That I LIKE – Again, if the lists were longer, I could dedicate more time to the best and most important thi
ng in the (MY) world. Old school hardcore punk, thrash metal, death metal, heavy metal, gangsta rap, underground rap, alternative, classic rock, bluegrass, and all 3 waves of ska have helped me get through every day of my life. If it weren’t for music, I don’t know who or what I would be.
Ten Worst10.
Waking up – This isn’t a “Woe is me, I hate being alive” thing, either. The literal act of getti
ng up in the morning is one of the saddest moments in one’s life, as they know that they can no longer go to sleep. It doesn’t matter how great your life is, nobody ever dons a shit-eating grin when the alarm goes off. When you get past waking up, everything can be cool again.
9.
Sobriety – I wish I never experienced inebriation, because at this point in my life, I can’t function sober
. Sure, there are days and nights when I go without a drink or a puff – but not many. I’m sure if I haven’t blown so much money/decisions on getting fucked up over the past decade, I may be in a different, better place in my life right now. With that stated, I played the sober game for the first 15 or so years of my life, and I have learned over the years that it’s not for me. Being “clear-headed” just isn’t my game. I think Ozzy put it best during one of his first go-arounds with kicking his habit : “Sobriety fucking sucks.” Ozzy is a stronger man than I for fighting his vices, because right now I’m just too young and hard-headed to worry about mine. Fuck being sober.
8.
Diarrhea – This is another vintage Yayo example of stating the obvious. Having the Green Apple Splatters is never a go
od thing. Plus, unlike vomiting or fainting, you don’t feel good immediately after it leaves your body. In some instances, you feel worse. A D-Spell can ruin your entire weekend. Tips on avoiding diarrhea? None, because I love tequila and fried chicken; two great contributors, and voiding that is just too much to ask.
7.
Skunks –
Verminous, disgusting creatures. If you live in a suburbanized community somewhat near any water source and plenty of land to burrow under, you know all too well about these overgrown, furry rats. I’ve lived in a very skunk-friendly area for a while now, so I have done my research. They can’t see shit, they have a limited amount of sprays, and are terrified by disruptive noise. All in all, if you’re looking to have a backyard bonfire and you live in a skunkzone, you always have to keep an ear and an eye open, because a direct skunk spray to your clothes/skin will RUIN YOU FOR WEEKS.
6.
Television – With the obvious exceptions of anything sports, American Dad, or AMC (Original programing actually done right); TV is an absolute waste of time. Read a book or go outside or get drunk. Make some moves in your life. I know you don’t care, but the bullshit you watch is only going to make you a worse person than you already are.
5.
Smartphones – I hate the fact that I have to use a cellphone, but I love the fact that it’s a piece of shit. I r
efuse to have one single gadget that will enable me to order pork chops from Shop Rite and buy a Larry the Cable Guy ringtone at the same time. We have a lot of great technological resources and they should be used wisely, but they’re not. We’re never happy with the amazing devices that we have in our pockets. I hate to sound like a baby boomer, but there was a time when we got our rocks off by playing stickball and beating the shit out of the Middle Eastern kid. Everyone was better off.
4.
Clothing – Of course if I wasn’t male, big, slightly hairy and slightly overweight, people other than me would encourage my liberation to nudism. I hate everything about clothes; the way they feel, the way they look, the way the
y look on others. I even hate the social contract of proper attire; fashion, the latest styles, and all the people who try to emulate and one-up each other by blowing their paychecks at Old Navy, or whereverthefuck. One last thing – if we all have to wear clothes, at least let us wear what we want. If a grown man was walking down my block dressed as Baby Huey, I would salute him and all his kind. You may think he’s a freak, but he’s no different than any of us.
3.
Getting Arrested – I used to think that I wa
s invincible. One tiny mistake can fuck up your plate for years. Do you even need me to explain this in any further detail?
2.
Nasty Br
eak-Up – I’m man enough to admit when I’m just pounding a hoodrat, or when I’m in love. To those unfortunate fellow fellas (The are no women on the internet) that have invested more than their cock with a woman which then develops into the truest gift in the world; only to have it shattered over petty shit; I feel your pain. There’s no worse feeling in the world than having a girl you feel for tell you that she’s done with you. You may try to get it back, or you take the smart route; swallow hard, pour a shot, swallow harder, and break faces.
1.
People – Hipsters, Guidos, Jocks, Juggalos, Mallrats, Prostitutes, Pimps, Johns, Politicians, Religious zealots, Protestors, Activists, Conservatives, Liberals, Gay bashers, Gay supporters, Gays, Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, Africans, Doctors, Lawyers, Cops, Criminals, Judges, Nazis, Jews, Celebrities, Humanitarians, Philanthropists, Abortionists, Anti-abortionists, Racists, Anti-racists, Writers, Musicians, Rapists, Pedophiles, British, Irish, Italians, Rednecks, Drug dealers, Bikers, Truckers, Street racers, Hunters, Fishers, Teachers, Principals, Students, You, Me, Your parents, My parents, Everyone you know, Everyone I know; and everyone in between, you all make me sick. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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1. TYLER PERRY
