I've never been one to put any stock into astrology, but I'm told it has something to do with Mercury. I mean, we DO all originate from the same focal point in existence...all of our particles are at least connected in that sense. The moon affects the ebb and flow of the tides, right? It also affects human nature from a statistical standpoint. Full moons cause a slight rise in the Earth's core temperature, which consistently parallels with violent crime rates. By that logical trajectory, it wouldn't be insane to think Mercury's position at a given point in time couldn't affect some kind of radiological phenomena which could also influence our planet, resulting in people losing their damn minds.
Or voodoo. Maybe it's voodoo. I don't know...I probably should have backed some of this up with research, but remember, I'm ultimately talking about football here. Even zanier, I'm talking about the Philadelphia Eagles winning the Super Bowl.
(It's at this point that I need to remind everyone that if you call any of my bluffs, I can blame it on this blog being comedic and/or satirical at times. Check out some of the other dumb "articles" I've posted...I have plenty of outs here. Suck it.)
Back to bleeding Green...
Last year, we straight-up cut Desean Jackson...which I was cool with. I just don't like that guy. Throw stats at me all you want, I don't like who he is as a person. My point is, we dropped his ass like a bad girlfriend and the city erupted...and that was with just one major guy involved in the fray.
This year, the offseason has been absolutely bananas for the birds. Our still relatively new coach has made numerous dynamic shifts in the star-power of our team. He's uprooted a lot old favorites and completely remolded our team. He traded our fan-favorite star running back for a linebacker. Then when everyone was about to hang him, he brought in the league's #1 running back from our division rival, and snaked another starting RB as his backup (all while keeping my personal hero Darren Sproles in the mix). Then he traded the quarterback that's been groomed for the position for the past few years for another starting QB with tons of injury-prone talent.
Here's the thing: I like all of it. Is it scary? Fuck yeah it is. It makes me nervous as hell when our team's been nipping at heels for the better part of a cumulative decade. But change is usually pretty scary...and the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. So yeah, I dig it, I dig all of it. Shake it all up, I want a damn ring in this city!
(Side note: after watching the preseason demonstrations, all of this actually seems to be panning out at a glance. Of course, it's preseason, but I liked what I saw from all three sides of the ball.)
I'm saying all of that to say this.
With all of the crazy events going on in the world and all of the crazy shit going on in football (yeah I'm stretching that far), I think the perfect storm is brewing for the Eagles to finally shed their almost-there, runner-up mentality and finally dominate at the same level of our city's already existing bravado. It's time for Rocky to become the champ! It's time for Vinny P. to make the squad! It's time for my goddamn Eagles to stick it to the rest of the league with our well known middle fingers defiantly in the air!!!
Hell, even the friggin pope is visiting here in a few weeks. Here! Killadelphia, the city of brotherly love will host the pope and a ton of world leaders right here this year; causing most of the city/tri-state area to re-route their entire lives for whatever bullshit they want to screw us all over for this time.
I told ya, man...2015 is weird.
E! A! G! L! E! S!
EAGLES!!!!!!
