First and foremost, I'd like to wish the lot of you the very warmest of holiday greetings. I hope your Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza and New Years were all satisfying. Thanks again for the continued support. I guess now is the prudent time to mention that even though my past two statements of regards for your holidays came across as very nice, I still fester with ooze at the majority of most people. Those holiday sentiments were very honest, but only to a certain audience - our followers, so please don't get the idea of that I'm going soft on humanity. Just feel honored that you get my little shreds of love, as opposed to my over-surplus of disdain.
Things are going okay. I'm at that point where I need to take my next step. My fun hobbies of playing music, writing jokes, partying violently, and spending freely have only gotten me so far in life. I'm officially done school and I literally don't want to do anything other than support myself and my hobbies, so I guess the next step is applying to jobs. The college degree looks good, but the criminal record doesn't help my chances when applying to be some hateful office drone (which I have no problem whatsoever doing for the rest of my life). It makes me think - wouldn't it be awesome to have a job that hopes its applicants have a criminal record? I'm not even talking about applying to be Coke Mule for the Torquato Cosa Nostra Family in Western Pennsylvania; I mean something legit. Just imagine.... "Well, it says here that you graduated from Rutgers University with a Bachelor's in History, but we here at Jewsenberg's Law Firm are looking for potential Attorneys that have at least two misdemeanor charges." "Well sir, I have three, and I've spent small stints in prison for repeat drug offenses." "...Say no more. You've got the job. Hell, you've got MY job. You start immediately. Here's $50,000,000." Unfortunately, life isn't that sweet.
In keeping with my themes of doom & gloom, I'd like to construct a small list in no particular order on four human reasons why this current world we live in isn't the place that it should be. Why life isn't that sweet, as it were.
1. TYLER PERRYOne of the reasons why LOBO and I are such good friends is because we often agree on similar issues. This is no different with Tyler Perry. Aside from the stereo-typical content for a particular Demographic of African-American audiences (not all Black people support this asshole), Tyler Perry rapes his own product by appearing in advertisements and previews for every aborted fetus he releases to the public. It reminds me of Bad Boy Entertainment in the mid-90's. Puff Daddy was all over his artists' music videos and even on the records themselves. After Notorious B.I.G. died (still on the shelf about Puffy's role in that), Mr. Daddy went on to sell millions of records with his own unique brand of the worst rap music I have ever heard in my life. Tyler Perry mirrors Puff Daddy in the sense that he just doesn't know when to go the fuck away. It doesn't help that his movies and TV shows commit felony rape to the viewer.
2. Maroon 5
I refuse to even post a photo of these guys. Although in some sense talented musicians, Maroon 5 has spent the past decade getting girls wet and making frat boys dance with uninteresting, abysmal music. I am unabashedly a lover of music and will give me honest opinion on anything. I did this with Maroon 5, and I immediately concluded that this was something I could never get behind. Now, on the cusp of 2012, Maroon 5 is one of the biggest bands in the world. I used to ask myself "How the fuck does stuff like this happen?"; but I know why. We let it happen.
3. Occupy Protestors
On paper and in the developmental weeks, the idea of a nonviolent collective camping out on WALL STREET and protesting against national debt, jobs, and Federal Government was pretty cool and interesting. The fact that this has gained momentum across the country is quite upsetting. There are trendy hipsters occupying Salt Lake City, Cleveland, St. Paul, Jacksonville, Santa Fe, Olympia, Boise, Philadelphia, and everywhere else. I have a message for people who feel the need to protest but aren't in New York City or Washington DC : write a letter or gather a petition and mail it to your respective member of General Assembly. Wall Street and DC are cool; anywhere else is just tacky, trendy, and unnecessary. If I lived in Toldeo, Ohio and I couldn't get to my job at the factory because a bunch of assholes are protesting that Toldeo's LEED-certified environmental program isn't Green enough, I would probably rape everyone I see while sobbing blood. Leave it to the big cities. Stop being an asshole.
Rosie O'Donnell
I'm going to take the high road on this one and not talk about it. If you know me, you're well aware of my hatred for her. I've spent at least 2 decades hating this woman. She is far and away one of the worst people that has ever lived. The day she dies from a massive heart attack, I will dine with her...in Hell.
Hope you all enjoyed this installment of SGI!!!
Be sure to follow the blog, "Like" us on Facebook www.facebook.com/saulgoodinc
@saulgoodinc on Twitter
It's only gonna get better. Here's to a good 2012.
Yours,
YAYO
